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The last few months have changed me. They have caused me to re-examine my heart, my outlook on life, my attitude and my future. Yet through all this I can easily say that nothing has been more apparent to me than my personal walk with God… and how much it was lacking. I felt personally convicted in this, not as much in my lack of personal time but more so in the pathetic excuses I had for not carving out that time. In this day and age we have so many tools and resources available to us that actually make this EASIER, yet I was too lazy to look any of them up, and frankly, “God is my number one priority” was more of a Sunday morning, makes me look super Christian, kind of statement.
After meeting with a friend for coffee we decided to meet every other week and follow this online devotional website. After completing our first devotional time together it became so clear to me that the ease and availability of it did not retract from digging into His scriptures but magnified it. I felt engaged (something this girl needs in order to pay attention), I felt challenged, and the material wasn’t from 1991, it was current and relevant in my life. I was hooked.
Since then I have been sitting down every other day to a devotional video. Waking up to the magnificence of what God speaks into my life, sending my introspective self into a whirlwind of discovery. As I read through some of Philippians today with Matt Chandler, I began to wonder what it was that prevented me from making this a priority before… It wasn’t the fact that I didn’t have time; because as a health and fitness enthusiast I believe that “I don’t have time” is the grownups version of the dog ate my homework. How you spend your time is a choice, and if you choose to put the new season of Vikings above personal devotion than Ragnar (main character) holds more clout than God.
Let’s be serious though, maybe time really isn’t your issue. Maybe it’s your worth.
You look around your life’s circumstances and come to the conclusion that where you are at, this time in your life, you just aren’t the best version of yourself to present to God. God won’t talk to you or walk with you intimately until you have your crap together. You don’t feel you are worthy because you know you are tangled up in some “not so Godly” situations or habits, you gotta kick those before you can REALLY prioritize and live your life in the way God has it all planned out.
I’m not going to lie, even typing this makes me want to cry a little. If you truly believe that you need to be perfect or that you are not worthy, it breaks my heart because I am OH SO familiar with that place. Having to hide the crap from my friends and family because I want them to see I have it all together. Faking Christian because it’s easier to do that than face the facts that I was drowning, alone and scared of letting people in on the dirty little secrets of my imperfect life. It wasn’t until I started really listening to the stories of the Bible, hearing the stories of the prophets and the regular, day to day people that God used to carry out His amazing works. It was then I began to realize that God does not seek perfection, or us “having it together”. The life of Jesus shows us that He sought out those who needed him… He met them where they were at, healed their wounds and showed them that their worth was beyond earthly measure.
The scariest part of all of this is vulnerability. Being okay with not being perfect and letting your community come beside you and walk through it with you. You will quickly realize that you are not alone in your situation or circumstance, that in your circle there are others who have been those the same thing, or something so similar that they will understand the burden you are carrying and they can help you carry it to the cross… and leave it there.
To be honest I started writing this post with a completely different purpose. In fact I could say that the topic couldn’t be farther from what I ended up writing. But as I typed I felt God draw me in this direction because someone out there needs to hear this. Someone needs to hear that no matter what kind of mess that they have gotten themselves into, what kind of circumstances life has thrown at them or however broken they feel… we are promised that if we seek God we will find him. God wants you to trust in Him and to seek solace in Him. He wants to heal your heart and bring you into the amazing person that He created you to be.
I am nowhere near perfect and nor will I ever claim to be; but every day I strive for progress…
You are loved.
You are cherished.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.
Speaker, wife and life long student. Boldly living for Christ. Currently studying Theology at Kings, Jen challenges the comfort zone and encourages boldly stepping out in faith and the promises of God.
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