Un-Friending

by Ashley Elizabeth Petryshyn

Friendship. So hard. So worth it.

But What happens when it isn't anymore? 

Have you noticed in this high social media age we are currently in, how many ways you can 
refer to your friends?

Or how many ways you can interact with them? When I was in Jr. High it was the best thing 
ever to have lots of friends on MSN messenger. Now you can request friends on Facebook, 
follow and retweet people on twitter, you can send them pins on Pinterest, you can like 
what they had for lunch on instagram and if you are really close, you will send probably a 
million texts and iMessages over the course of your friendship. The problem is, even with 
the insanely high number of ways you can keep in touch with people and enhance your 
friendships, there comes moments in time where you have to stop and question what your 
bringing to the friendship and what you are getting out of it. You can treat it like a relationship 
and look to see if you are really bringing out the best in each other. The problem with that 
though is sometimes when friendship's go south it can hurt as much, and sometimes more 
than an actual romantic breakup. 

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Am I trying to force certain relationships. Am I trying to make them feel like how they felt a year ago, when in reality that person and I have been on a journey of growth and change separately and we now need different things than we did a year ago? 

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Part of life is growing up and meeting new people and gaining new skills and new interests, 
and quite often there are new people you meet along with those things. In school you meet 
friends, but you have to be there. As you grow you find out who you are and you take people 
along the journey with you that share the same interests or plans. What I have learnt about 
this though is you are going to meet people and you won't understand what they bring to your 
journey until the exact moment you need them. Regardless of what you want, you need to 
trust in God and know that he brings different people into your life for different reasons during 
different seasons. And that's all a part of the process of learning and growing. You meet 
some people who are meant to go with you until the end, and some you only get for a bit of 
your journey. At that point you just need to be grateful for what they brought to you during 
your adventures. Then when you have gotten all you are meant to from them, you gracefully 
move on from them. Or they from you. That is the breaking point of friendships, when you 
haven't realized yet that it is time to move on and you are pining over them the way you would 
in a romantic relationship. That is how they can turn unhealthy and harmful. It is hard to say 
exactly when or how it happens, a new significant other in your friends life? Maybe a move for 
a job, or a new hobby that you don't feel included in. And to be fair, I am not saying that you 
won't go through seasons where you are too busy to do much else besides work and sleep, 
but you know that point where you are both in a relationship and you know you aren't putting 
any effort into it anymore. That is when you need to evaluate what you are getting out of it. 
Along with if its worth it for you to be carrying the weight of the friendship by yourself. That's 
unfair and exhausting. And at that point it is okay to let it run its course.

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At the end of the day, count all your friends as blessings and be open to change. You will meet many incredible people over your life time, and it will be selfish to think you get to keep them all to yourself!

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I have many friends from the cadet program that are all spread far and wide across the 
country, and we don't get to talk all the time, but when we do there is such a feeling of kinship 
that we pick up exactly where we left off, even with there being years between visits. Those 
friendships mean so much to me and flow so simply that I know they will be there for many 
years to come. At the same time, as you have read in previous posts of mine, my life is in a 
time of great change and I am currently at this stage with some friendships. Where I need to 
take step back and see if I am trying to force certain relationships. Am I trying to make them 
feel like how they felt a year ago, when in reality that person and I have been on a journey 
of growth and change separately and we now need different things than we did a year ago? 
Sometimes you aren't what a person needs anymore, and that is okay. It isn't right or wrong, 
it is just a fact that humans learn and grown and sometimes growing also includes growing a 
part. 

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

So, when you are out in the world, try to find the people that can sharpen you, as you can 
them. Friendships are all about the give and take. That's what keeps them going. You will 
need different things from different people along the way, as you will realize you yourself 
inspire different people at different times. At the end of the day, count all your friends as 
blessings and be open to change. You will meet many incredible people over your life time, 
and it will be selfish to think you get to keep them all to yourself!