I have always been fascinated with the idea of space and all the mystery that surrounds it. It seems we have always been drawn to the exploration of the unknown and though we were told that the sky is the limit, humanity has chosen to venture even past that. 

It is crazy that we would even think about entering the vacuum of space. It is treacherous, unforgiving and deadly. Though, anyone who has been fortunate enough to have gazed out towards the celestial bodies while being surrounded by the vastness of what we call outer space, experienced something that would change them forever.

So much enlightenment has come from a place of complete emptiness.  The only thing that protects anyone from the cold harsh reality of space is some high tech fabric. Space is so voidless and cold, that literally not even sound can travel through it. Think about that for a second. The vacuum of space is so empty and void that our very words would not only fall on deaf ears but be lost in the abyss of space.

As I was reflecting on the passage of Matt 7:7-11, this imagery stuck with me. Jesus says: 

Two things strike me in the wording of this paraphrase: (1) If we know we are supposed to be direct and expect an answer from God and (2) we know God is loving and wishes to communicate with us, why does it seem so often that we hear or get nothing? Like our words are being lost in the vacuum of space.

Humanity, in many differing traditions and fashions, have spent centuries trying to tap into the divine or find higher enlightenment and has attempted to perfect the discipline of prayer and meditation.

So, if prayer is so important, why does it seem so hard?

Like many before me, I have been on a journey of seeking God's voice and learning this discipline. I am by no means an expert in this area, and in many cases find myself floundering when it comes to prayer and meditation. But I do have a few thoughts I would love to share with you. I hope my humble observations will be of some help to you.

First, like anything worth it's weight in gold, it takes hard work. Well, at least at first. Like any relationship, getting to know someone, how we interact & talk (learning what they like and dislike) and becoming close friends, takes time and hard work. I have learned first impressions are usually dead wrong and my closest friendships have taken time and effort, but have been well worth every second of it. 

Second, I wonder if we may be looking in all the wrong places. God can be found in some of the most unlikely of places and around any corner: In the whispers of a quiet walk near a river bed. In the pain of the loss of a loved one. In the face of a beggar on the street looking for his next meal. While sharing a coffee with a close friend who is ready to simply sit and listen. In your quiet time drowning out the noise of the world. In the pages of the Scriptures where God's story is revealed. He is where we are willing to see and hear Him. 

So often, I think the reason why we don't hear Him is because we may have forgotten what it looks like to do so, or lost the desire to try, or perhaps we have built up walls and can no longer hear Him. We have lost the art of hearing His voice, but guess what, He even speaks to us in this place if we are willing to listen. 

Can I encourage you? If you are looking for a deeper connection to the divine voice of God, make some time to develop the art of hearing His voice, do the hard work of getting to know this God who created everything and has been on a mission to repair the relationship that has been broken. Look deep into yourself and search what is blocking you from starting this journey. Find that special place, that spiritual pathway, the ways and places that God is looking to speak to you.

If this post has hit a chord and resonated with you, and you are unsure of where to start, I would really recommend both Brad Jersak's book 'Can You Hear Me' (There is even a kids edition for it) and David Chotka's book 'Power Prayer: Hearing Jesus; Spirit by Praying Jesus' Prayer'. Both these books are highly practical and will guide you on starting, developing and unlocking a deeper and fulfilling prayer life. 

The unexpected comes when you think you know.
When your version of reality is shattered by truth and you learn to see without the lens you’re accustomed to. 

Last year, I took a trip to Bali with one of my best friends, and on one of the days, we hired a driver and did a tour around the centre of the island. On the itinerary: a volcano, a coffee plantation, and rice terraces. 

Now, my expectation, was that one of those places would end up being a quickly forgotten stop during a whirlwind tour of the island. I’ve seen rice fields. I LIVE in rice fields. Or very near them. In fact, my first surreal “Asia moment” took place in one. I still remember it clearly, November 2004. Standing there and really truly being amazed by where I was, and having the reality that I’d left my entire life behind and moved to Asia really hit me as I looked at a terrain so impossibly different from the wheat fields of the Canadian prairies. Rice fields, while meaningful, had become entirely commonplace to me after more than 8 years in Asia. 

So back to Bali. Just as I was thinking, rice fields, big deal. When do we get to the coffee? our driver stopped at an overlook and what we saw took my breath away. These were vibrant green and wildly landscaped as they grasped their way up the hills and flowed with trickling water down the valley. The depth, the texture, the entire scene was, well unexpected. The pictures don’t do it justice. 

I think God does the same thing in our lives too, in fact, I believe he takes delight in giving us glimpses of what true reality is, a taste of what He can do and reminding us that our narrow view is apt to miss the wonder all around us. 

It’s a reminder that the descriptive words we read in so many beloved scriptures: immeasurably, abundantly, incomparably, are not just exaggerations.

In fact, they are challenges. God is saying – I’m about to do something – do you have eyes to see? I’m already moving around you, do you have ears to hear? Are you so caught up in your expectations that you’ve lost a sense of expectancy when it comes to what the Creator of the Universe wants to do in your life? 

May you be amazed again. 




Photo creds: My favoritest travel companion ever, Naomi B

Have you ever walked through the top level of the Chapters on Whyte avenue and thought that perhaps you have more issues than you had known about? Otherwise how could there be so many books about things you haven't even thought. There are so many self help books! Books to help you with being single, books to fall in love, books to work on your marriage and books to help you deal when you get divorced. Books about your wardrobe, beautiful covers of Audrey Hepburn telling you how to be lady. How to be a better friend, how to be a better wife and mother, how to be a better cook, how to get more organized, how to lose the weight, journals that are meant to have the pages ripped out of them. All of these books come from people who feel they are experts in their area. What makes them an expert? Who makes that decision? Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz can thank Oprah, but then again, some people I’ve talked to don't even know why Oprah is such a big deal. 

I am not immune to these books, or the uplifting pictures on pinterest, or all the articles in the magazines I can't seem to stop buying. I even buy the Woman’s Weekly magazine that has a page near the end of every issue that gives you 7 affirmations. One for everyday of the upcoming week. I cut those out every time I buy that particular magazine and use them in as bookmarks for all my books. Which are sometimes admittedly books you could buy from the self help section. So in essence my self  books are filled with self help bookmarks . How much help does a girl need?

How much until you start to feel like no amount of help books will be enough? If you have read some of my older posts you know that I am not quiet about being in a transitional year in my life. I feel like this is something I owe to the guys and gals in my world that are younger than myself. You always imagine your life going a certain way, and sometimes it won't and that is totally okay. It may compel you to buy a book and you know that? Maybe that book gives you some insight, and maybe it doesn't. Do you want to know something else? That sure does not mean you failed! 

Over a year ago I was engaged to be married and thought my next few years of plans were most definitely in order. Surprise! Life happened while I was busy making other plans. I called off my engagement and was totally single about two weeks later. During that time I had spoken to a therapist over the phone and she had given me some titles of books she thought would help me in my situation. I bought all 3 books the very next day and really thought that we would be able to work things out from me reading these magical books. As it turns out, I am now very well versed in the terminology  of relationships and still could not work it out with my ex-fiance. Does that mean that I've failed three times over? That is what it feels like in the land of self help.

In discussion with a friend this week we went over this and what it meant to read a book from an author that claims to guarantee something will change in your life when you read their book.  When you  boil it down, a book written by a person is not necessarily a law or sometimes even a fact. Half of the books you can buy are a persons opinion of what worked for them in the situation. I am currently reading a book called 'The Happiness Project' and it doesn't mean that I am unhappy at the moment. It means that I am interested in how this woman decided she wasn't happy enough in her life and made changes to increase her happiness. Who wouldn't want to be more happy? That being said if I read this book and can't apply her rules to my life, then maybe we just aren't matches in what seems to be a self improvement movement. 

You may think this is ironic as you read about this on my blog. Which is meant to reach out and help people. I'm not telling you that I don't want you to think about my words, or any of my colleagues posts. Just that if you read one and decide we have differing opinions, it won't hurt my feelings! I want you to learn something and maybe take something away from my writings, or at the very least feel empowered in some small way. 

After having the self help book debate with the people closest in my life I can tell you from my personal point of view the only book I rely on for information about how to live my life and what my expectations of my self should be is the Bible. If you ever get really overwhelmed in that dark seemingly endless hallway of self help books, let me tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel; it is God and the life plan he has for you. Above all the other experts in all the fields you could read, he is the one. He knows what is going on and it will all happen in time. The books you read along the way are just fillers! 

Happy Reading!

I whole heartedly believe that old saying 'everything happens for a reason.' I also think that inspiration can hit you anytime anywhere and sometimes when you are first introduced to something you have no idea how much it will mean to you later. I was a university student on reading week break in 2008 when I went to visit my boyfriend in Lethbridge. We were walking around downtown Lethbridge trying to decide on somewhere to go and grab supper. We were both musicians so we stopped at a place called The Slice when we heard really awesome music coming from inside. 

We walked inside and that’s the first time I heard the singer song writer named Craig Cardiff. I instantaneously  fell in love. Craig was selling albums after his show, and even though we had only caught the last two songs of his set, that was enough for me to know I had to get my hands on everything he had put out. I bought 4 albums from him that night and actually made my boyfriend go home early so I could listen to them. I have been told things that touch you in your life will speak differently to you at different points on your journey, this I have learnt to be true. I have collected many things over the years, and besides my closest friends and favorite Bible verses I have kept three of Craig's songs very close to my heart. All three have meant very different things to me over the last 7 years, which I think is such a cool thing about songs and even Bible readings. Depending on where you are on your walk of life things will speak to you based on what you need. 

Craig has a song called Dirty Old Town and that one I have listened to everyday since I first heard it. This is how it goes;

Dirty old town, dirty old town,
they've got all your little problems clearly written down.
You don't even know, don't even see
the butterfly that you're going to be,
the butterfly that you are becoming.

All the road, all the miles,
hair goes grey, eyes stay wide.
Come to bed, turn off the lights
fall asleep inside. You’re the one,

you're the one.
Hearts grow into hearts until hearts become one.
You’re the one, you're the one.
i carry you heart in my heart sung with every song.

Poised with grace in this poisoned place.
How you ever manage to keep it off your face.
You don't even know, don't even see
the butterfly that you're going to be,
the butterfly you are becoming.

This has been my song while my best friend died, while I fell in love, while I moved, fell out of love, went on vacation, prayed, and danced, so many things for the last 7 years. I think of myself as the butterfly in this song. I don't know who I'm becoming, and I don't know who I'm going to be. But it is okay, everyone is a work in progress! I owe some of my inspiration to Craig’s gifts.

I believe that everyone is put on this earth with a gift. Some kind of gift to help others. If you are a person who puts a specific skill to use, right down to customer service to help someone, that is a gift. I think in Craig’s case he found what he was passionate about gave his music as his gift to the world. I have been to many Craig Cardiff shows in an array of venues, and it always just him and his guitar. They are always the most authentic shows I see. Just a really talented man singing his heart out. That is the best way to share a talent I think. Unapologetically being yourself and acting from your heart. 

When you wake up in the morning what do you look forward to? Where does your daily inspiration come from? Is it from something in particular or is it something that you get to do? I find inspiration from small things in my daily life. Sometimes it's colors, things in nature, people laughing. I have a gratitude journal I write in every night before I go to sleep and I am starting to see most of my inspirations come from readings I do, music I hear or sometimes make, and the people in my life. I am a very blessed girl when you sit down and look at it. I am inspired everyday to live my life to the fullest and I owe that to so many factors.

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. 1 Corinthians 12:4-6

I want everyone to know that they have a talent within them that they are meant to share with the world. Not everyone is meant to hold a stage on their own. Maybe you have the talent of amazing production skills. Everything builds of something to make it greater. Everyone has a skill. Every skill is important. God has taught us we all have gifts to give. Where does your inspiration come from? What gifts are you going to share?

* Dirty Old Town lyrics used with the permission of Craig Cardiff.

I can admit it. I'm slightly addicted to Instagram. Its various filters make everything so pretty. But it is with a special sense of pride when I post something with the hashtag #nofilter. And I'm not alone. There are more than 70 MILLION photos on Instagram with the hashtag #nofilter. What’s so special about it? It's a reflection of perhaps my growing skill as a photographer but even more so, the fact that sometimes a scene is so stunning that alteration couldn't actually enhance the beauty of what's already there.

#nofilter that's how I want to live my life with God: acknowledging who he's created me to be and not trying to hide behind a mask. He already knows what’s there anyways!  

That's how I want to live with people. I was recently asked the question: how would your life be different if you didn't care about what others think of you? Is it possible to just be real without trying to filter out only the best parts of ourselves while hiding our ugly imperfections? It seems we spend a lot of time imagining that we are successful in doing so. And of course, social media is the perfect place to put our best self(ie) forward. We do need to be careful that we don’t get so wrapped up in creating some perfect image of ourselves online that we begin living that lie, both on and offline. It’s time to take the filters off and just be. 

Now, on the flip side of this, there are people of whom you could say He/she really just has no filter. And this is a bad thing. These are the people who say what's on their mind without considering how it will affect others. For whatever reason, they seem to be unable or unwilling to control those impulses. And this kind of behaviour is seen as rude and damaging to social relationships. So maybe we DO need some kind of filter in order to keep some of our less flattering thoughts to ourselves. It is appropriate to filter our opinions through tactfulness, our desires through consideration of others’ needs, and of course, the truth through love.

So how can we be real AND kind?

How can we do what's good for us AND for those around us?

The solution in scripture seems to involve renewing of the mind (Rom 12:2) and choosing to think on things that are praiseworthy:

 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Maybe as we learn to filter our words, thoughts, and entire selves through God's lens we will become people who don't need a filter because we simply shine with the goodness of God. 

 When Jesus is the one doing the altering, we are released from the need to tint our lives with a false sheen of perfection in hopes of receiving acceptance from others and God. The enhancements become unnecessary, gaudy even, in comparison with what we shine as a result of looking on His face.  

My heart aches, no seriously, it actually hurts.

As Christians we are on the same team, we have the same goal, we have the same God, we just play in different positions. Our understanding of the game may differ from one another depending on where we play, but the essentials stay the same,

So why, WHY do we constantly fight each other with words? Why is it when someone believes something that is different from what we believe we go into attack mode? Why is it that we always have to prove that we are right…

I mean do you truly believe that if Jesus was around that he would be condoning and encouraging these social media wars, cause gosh, it’s not like anyone can have a face to face conversation these days. No, is the answer, I don’t believe he would. In fact I would dare to say that he would walk away from the pointless debates of opinions and continue his work where he is needed most, with those who don’t know him.

When I think of what it is to be a Christian I think of one word and two actions. Love.
1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind – Matthew 22:37
2. Love your neighbor as yourself – Matthew 22:39

So  how do we emulate love? Well the Bible is quite clear as to what love is…

Well I’m sorry but I don’t think you can get any clearer than that. I would especially like to point out the very particular line, “It does not dishonor others”. The King James puts it “It does not behave rudely”, The Message says “Doesn’t Force itself on others”… shall I go on? When you get to a point where all you do is publicize your disagreements on your social media soapbox (whether you’re in the right or the wrong) you are just fueling the wrong fire. A fire that will burn down bridges and seeks destruction.

So what do you do if you don’t agree with someone? well, nothing. Unless it is a ESSENTIAL pillar that they are messing with (Jesus’ resurrection, Virgin Mary, Jesus son of God, etc.) you leave it alone. You can have conversations, this means two people each have a turn to talk and the one is respectful of what the other is saying, and you can learn from one another. But if it isn’t a Salvation issue, then it is not just cause to point it out in front of other people, especially in a demeaning manner.

“But Jen, the Bible tells us to hold each other accountable and insert name here is sinning”… you are right, there are many verses that point us in the direction of holding each other accountable. But those verses also speak of this in a church setting. So if you are in the same church and have a personal relationship with someone you now have a leg to stand on. But if you are on the other side of the country spewing your thoughts and insights into a lift which you know nothing about then you have just circled right on back to dishonoring someone and a misrepresentation of Christ, in my opinion. One of the other reasons why it is SO important that you have a personal relationship with someone before you go pointing out their sins is that you have no idea what else God is already working on in their lives. Yes you may hear someone swear, and you may want to call them out on it, but God may be working on them loving themselves first and their close friends keeping them accountable to that. I won’t exhaust the subject but you know what I’m getting at. And lastly, there is the plank. That’s right (many of you know exactly where I’m going with this),

No one on earth has been given the power to judge anyone when it comes to sin and spiritual matters. God alone, is the final judge. So if you are truly worried about the state of someones heart, pray to the one who knows exactly what is going on. Talk to Him! Maybe He’ll reveal some things in your life that need to be worked on. But hey, looking in a mirror is always harder than looking somewhere else.

So why does my heart ache? Because again, I am witnessing this destruction with my own eyes. I’m seeing the hurt it is causing the people involved, I can see the frustration fuming by those who are watching and the mocking of unbelievers as they watch a petty quarrel that isn’t even worthy of 5th graders. Why? All because of the sense of power, the sense of “I’m Right” that comes from a dispute in theological beliefs.

That is all…

At some point in this journey we call life, we will run into people who we don't agree 

I highly recommend watching this TED Talk by Chimanda Ngozi Adichie entitled “The Danger of a Single Story,” but if you do not have eighteen minutes to take it in, let me try to sum it up for you with one quote.

I grew up in a traditional evangelical home and had “a single story” of what it looked like to be a Christian. Christians had obviously prayed a prayer of salvation and encouraged others to do so as well. Christians went to protestant churches every Sunday. Christians didn’t lie, steal, drink, smoke, or swear. Christians read the Bible and prayed every day. Christians did not have sex until they were married. Christians did not get divorced. Christians opposed abortion and gay marriage politically.

That is not the single story of God.

I remember finding out the back story of a family who attended my church in high school. I was surprised that the “dad” wasn’t the biological dad of three of the four kids. Turns out the woman had three kids with her first abusive husband and decided to leave the marriage. She had remarried shortly after. In my framework, this seemed “bad,” but as I became closer to the family I couldn’t help but see Jesus in the way they interacted. To this day, that is still one of the strongest marriages I have seen in action.

I remember my shock when, attending Bible School, I found out one of the girls on my hall was a “Christian Catholic.” I did not understand how that could work, but I could not deny that her love for Jesus and for people was authentic and inspiring. After becoming friends and pursuing conversation with her, I began to understand how Catholicism and Christianity could coexist.

Taking in people’s stories, even when they don’t fit our framework, helps us encounter the bigger story of God redemption.

Part of my journey and process has been taking in my own story. I was VERY surprised when I found myself wrestling with my sexuality at Bible School. In my framework, Christians could not be gay. This meant I could not be gay. As I became increasingly aware of my attraction for women (and my lack of attraction for men) I became increasingly terrified. I had been a Christian my entire life. I was in school to train for a ministry job. I loved Jesus deeply. I spent countless nights crying in prayer, Bible in hand, asking God to change me. I’m not totally sure why he didn’t.

I get that for a lot of traditional evangelical people my “gay Christian” identity seems contradictory. It did for me for a lot of years too. But I am crazy about Jesus and I am attracted to women. That is my reality; that is my story. And I believe that my story has something to do with the bigger redemptive story of God.

So let’s keep talking. Let’s keep living authentically and talking openly. Let’s seek out people that don’t fit our framework so we can learn and grow. Let’s not let one story become the whole story.